Sunday, October 27, 2013

Stephanie!!!!! Stephanie!!!! Where are you??????

So I'm Stephanie, I'm 29 years old and will turn 30 in February. My mom once told me that her 30's were the roughest years in her life (insert freak out face :0 ). Why? you ask. I did also, but after the first week of my oldest son being in 1st grade (real school now) I realized a small glimpse into what she meant. If you have children at a semi young age or you happen to have young school aged kids in your 30's you may feel the way my mom felt. It's constant work, morning to night, add a toddler and a husband with an irregular job, and lets not forget your part time job and the intense need to keep your youth/beauty in tact (which almost always gets put on the backburner)......well I am feeling the pressure and ready for change.

It's hard being everything, doing everything and wanting everything. I struggle with making myself happy before my family. I struggle with the things I want, because often they are deemed as selfish and often I hear that nagging voice on my shoulder asking "can this $ be spent on your kids?", "can this time be spent with your family?" "are you really be a good wife or mother?".

What do I want you ask? Simply I want it all, but will settle for some, lol. Honestly I want a happy healthy family, happy kids, that are respectful, well mannered, smart, and handsome. I want a healthy and strong marriage, I want a nice body and to be healthy. I want friendship with responsible ladies that uplift me but bring a little drama here and there (don't judge me). I want to work and make a little extra $ to pay for the extra things that I like, hair, nails, clothes & shoes, make up, girls night out, babysitters, dates with hubby, extra time/gifts for the kids. I want to watch my reality tv shows, I want a clean house all the time. (not possible, but you better believe I try). I want a better relationship with GOD.

Not to much to ask for right? It's not, seems sensible, the problem is when I try to list these things in an order of priority, I'm constantly failing and finding a happy medium for myself. If I put my husband, home and family high on the list, my personal wants fall very low and are often forgotten, when I flip it, well you know. Why not mix it all up? That's very hard, you have to remember there are only 4-5 wks in a month, and 24 hrs in a day. Subtract the things I HAVE to do and that doesn't leave much time for the things I want to do, and that's where the struggle begins.

I'm going to find total happiness, I'm going to stumble, and sometimes even fall. I'm going to have highs and lows, but I think, well I hope that I can rewrite my mothers claims that 30's are rough and tough. I hope that my 30's will become the most fulfilled years of my life.

So here is to change, growth, knowledge, gentle mistakes (I'm too damn old to make big mess ups), fun.........

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