Hair Change - Going back to NATURAL

Many people know me as the woman of many hairstyles. I embrace wigs, weaves, and hair pieces. I have no problem telling ANYONE "this ain't my hair", yes I want the units to look natural, but I will rock a short pixie wig on Wednesday and a shoulder length long wig on Friday. I got into wigs back in 2010 hardcore, I've worn them since 2006. I loved the look of hair perfection that wigs offered in 60 seconds or less. I loved that I could spend a lot less time on my hair and direct that time towards something else. It was a win win for me. My husband has never been a fan of the wigs, but prefers the shorter ones over the longer ones. If he could have it his way, he would have me back in my Kelly Rowland flips that I rocked from 2000-2005 (umm no, sir) I looked like a teenager, not to mention the heat damage my hair took, flips required daily curling irons.  I've done quite a bit with my hair, but one thing I was always committed to was relaxing my hair. Yep, the harsh chemical relaxers aka the creamy crack has touched my hair more times than I can count and for more years than I know. Sad to say but I remember getting the just for me perms, so I know I've been putting those things on my hair for at least 20 years. YIKES!!!!!!!

Lets talk truth about how awful I was to my hair -

I have only had maybe 2-3 professional relaxers in my many years of relaxing. I also almost never waited the 6-8 wks between relaxers, and rarely just relaxed my new roots.

I curled my hair, with HOT curling or flat irons almost every day

I used pro style gel aka and the black tar gel for about 5 yrs

When I did do protective styles like braids of sew ins, I did not take care of my real hair.

I glued in tracks for about a year and forcefully removed the left over glue in my hair.

I rarely every slept with a scarf or bonnet

I rarely every got my ends trimmed

For almost a year I wore wigs and completely neglected my real hair, while I didn't relax it and didn't put much heat to it, I also didn't moisturize it, comb/brush it, or protect it under the wig. My love for wigs is real.

I thought my hair was a lost cause, a done journey and was too damaged to come back from, and it was. I toyed around with doing the big chop in 2011, when the natural hair movement started to become more popular, and here are my truths about how I USE to feel about natural hair.......(don't judge me and just know I've changed my thoughts)

I thought it was a fad and would be gone and back then gone again  like bell bottom pants

I thought doing the big chop was stupid and ugly, why would you cut off the hair you grew your whole life. I also thought that short broken, dry hair I had was the hair I grew my whole life.

I thought black women/people can't grow long hair

I thought afros were ugly

I thought I would have to wear heavy eye make up, lip stick or crazy over the top earring, if I went natural.

I thought men would find it unattractive

I thought natural hair women thought they were better than relaxed hair women.

I thought I would have to give up wearing wigs and weaves.

I thought it just wasn't for me.

So I've been wearing wigs for a few months now, I believe my last relaxer was probably in July. Still not taking care of the hair under my wig, but trying to get better. Exactly 1 week ago I was in the shower washing my hair like I do every 1-2 weeks. It was falling out so much, shedding so much, which was nothing new, but for some reason it was both depressing and frustrating. I was done, I had sat up the night before looking a big chop progress photos on instagram and when I got out of the shower that's just what I did. While my husband sat down stairs screaming at the television (football season) I stood in the bathroom and chopped off my relaxed hairs, it was about 3 inches of hair. It was what everyone says it is. Freeing, sad, scary, exciting, I felt proud of myself and ugly at the same time. But it was like opening a new door and stepping in, I'm on a new journey and I have no idea where this will take me but here are some things I know now

I have a TWA (teeny weeny afro) and I hate/love it.

I'm not comfortable rocking this short of a TWA out in public so I wear a protective style (wig) for now, but trust and know that this time around I'm all about taking care of my real hair and moisture is my biggest concern right now.

I wear my natural hair whenever I'm at home, so the wig comes off when my shoes come off. :)

I'm excited for this journey, I've done so much research and am constantly educating myself about my hair.

All of the feelings I had about being natural were so wrong and I greatly apologize if I offended anyone, but you live and your learn and it takes a real woman to admit that she had those thoughts or felt that way.

I don't think I will every go back to the creamy crack, I mean for what? But I may or may not toy around with the idea of a mild texturizer. But right now it's not an issue, because I have no hair and my hair care routine is very simple and short.

I'm obsessed with natural hair now, it's all I see, and all I look up. I'm trying to remember that there is more about me and more about my life than natural hair, but please bare with me because it's my newest love at the moment.

Here is a photo of my big chop, as of today I'm 1 week natural and loving it.

Stephanie!!!!! Stephanie!!!! Where are you??????

So I'm Stephanie, I'm 29 years old and will turn 30 in February. My mom once told me that her 30's were the roughest years in her life (insert freak out face :0 ). Why? you ask. I did also, but after the first week of my oldest son being in 1st grade (real school now) I realized a small glimpse into what she meant. If you have children at a semi young age or you happen to have young school aged kids in your 30's you may feel the way my mom felt. It's constant work, morning to night, add a toddler and a husband with an irregular job, and lets not forget your part time job and the intense need to keep your youth/beauty in tact (which almost always gets put on the backburner)......well I am feeling the pressure and ready for change.

It's hard being everything, doing everything and wanting everything. I struggle with making myself happy before my family. I struggle with the things I want, because often they are deemed as selfish and often I hear that nagging voice on my shoulder asking "can this $ be spent on your kids?", "can this time be spent with your family?" "are you really be a good wife or mother?".

What do I want you ask? Simply I want it all, but will settle for some, lol. Honestly I want a happy healthy family, happy kids, that are respectful, well mannered, smart, and handsome. I want a healthy and strong marriage, I want a nice body and to be healthy. I want friendship with responsible ladies that uplift me but bring a little drama here and there (don't judge me). I want to work and make a little extra $ to pay for the extra things that I like, hair, nails, clothes & shoes, make up, girls night out, babysitters, dates with hubby, extra time/gifts for the kids. I want to watch my reality tv shows, I want a clean house all the time. (not possible, but you better believe I try). I want a better relationship with GOD.

Not to much to ask for right? It's not, seems sensible, the problem is when I try to list these things in an order of priority, I'm constantly failing and finding a happy medium for myself. If I put my husband, home and family high on the list, my personal wants fall very low and are often forgotten, when I flip it, well you know. Why not mix it all up? That's very hard, you have to remember there are only 4-5 wks in a month, and 24 hrs in a day. Subtract the things I HAVE to do and that doesn't leave much time for the things I want to do, and that's where the struggle begins.

I'm going to find total happiness, I'm going to stumble, and sometimes even fall. I'm going to have highs and lows, but I think, well I hope that I can rewrite my mothers claims that 30's are rough and tough. I hope that my 30's will become the most fulfilled years of my life.

So here is to change, growth, knowledge, gentle mistakes (I'm too damn old to make big mess ups), fun.........

Reintroduction to the blogging world

Hey guys, so it's been a while since I've blogged. I guess you can say life got in the way. Heck "LIFE" may get in the way with this blog also, but I'm going to try to keep up with it. Maybe I'll set more realistic goals. With Vayden's Blog readers depended on frequent updates, his condition was always changing, but this blog is mainly for me. Something to look back on and say I did change, or I did grow. Have you ever blown away a nice income tax refund and then a year later (some just a few months later) you look around and wonder, "what is the world did I spend all that money on?".  Bare with me blogging friends of the past and those who stumble upon me, I'm a little rusty at this.

- Stephanie